*Long post warning, I am thinking back on a big year of change after all .*
The amount that can change within 365 days is amazing, the amount that can change without you actively noticing is even more astonishing.
If I were to meet the me from 1 year ago would I recognize her? Would I relate to her? Would I like her? Or would I walk away from her?
My hope is that I’d respect her boundaries, support her, encourage her & be there for her.
If there’s one thing you should know about me it’s that I am not perfect, actually embracing that imperfection is what I think allowed me to succeed. Once I let go of trying to have perfect macros, perfect recipes, perfect results & perfect resolve everything got better for me. This wasn’t my first attempt at following the Ketogenic way of eating but it was the attempt that stuck, that’s what matters. So what if you try 2, 3, 5, 10, 20 times? As long as you eventually stick with it long enough to change your daily habits who cares?
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it change your attitude.
When looking back at my first attempt at diet change the reason I failed is now glaringly obvious, it was my attitude approaching it! Y’all I had some serious tude, part of that was due to having imbalanced hormones (thank’s PCOS) but honestly if I used that it’d just be another lame excuse. It’s like I kept getting in my own way, what didn’t I find to complain about?
- It’s too limiting.
- The food is bland.
- Tracking is toooo hard.
- It’s tooo expensive.
- I don’t have time to cook.
- Everyone else’s food looks better than mine.
- I feel terrible.
- Blah, blah blah…
All. Total. Bull.
- I felt terrible because I wasn’t paying attention to my electrolytes.
- Everyone’s food looked better because I was still ADDICTED to carbohydrates/sugar & I was being a bitter little carb junkie.
- I didn’t have time to cook because I didn’t make time to cook.
- It was too expensive because I didn’t put any effort into meal planning.
- Tracking was toooo hard because I was lazy.
- The food was bland because I was choosing bland foods.
- Finally it was too limiting because I was the one limiting it!
I was the problem, not Keto.
If there is no struggle, there is no progress.
Don’t get me wrong, the beginning of this journey was a struggle (a big struggle), I had my weak moments. I had my doubts, my fears, my insecurities. I had concerns, wavering commitment levels & moments of being completely overwhelmed.
But you know what I also had? Moments of absolute joy. I had moments of confidence and courage. For the first time in my life I knew what it was to feel good both physically and mentally. I learned that I can commit, and commit fully. I worked through those overwhelming moments and came out the other side stronger.
I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to feel sick, tired & moody all the time. It wasn’t until about the 4-6 month mark that I realized I feel normal. I think that’s when I became fully Keto adapted and allowed my hormones time to balance out. Gone was the severe mood swings, gone was the bouts of SEVERE depression, and gone was the feeling of being TRAPPED in my own skin.
Keto became a lifestyle to me at this point, I didn’t care if I lost another pound if it meant I could feel content in being me.
My lowest point in life just happened to coincide with my highest weight.
I was 222 lbs. The funny part is I didn’t even notice I had gotten that big. (That tends to happen when you avoid pictures, mirrors and any real self responsibility.)
Today I come in at 157. There are still times when I mentally invert the last two digits because the number seems too small.
Sometimes I still don’t see the change when I look in the mirror, it’s funny how our mind can play tricks on us.
When looking back at pictures of me at my heaviest I honestly do not recognize myself. Was I really that big? I’m currently having the same problem when seeing myself through a camera now and I didn’t realize it until the other day. I took a picture after a run and showed my brother and friend making an off hand comment of “look how skinny this picture makes me look! “, they just stared at me and said “you are that small”. I almost didn’t believe them to be honest, I wanted to write it off as them just being nice.
Sometimes I think I still picture myself as that unhappy 200 lb girl and that’s something I’m working on.
So I encourage everyone to take progress pictures! Those pictures you hate now may one day be one of your favorites because it reminds you how far you’ve come and how much you’ve accomplished!
This year in losing weight I seem to have found myself (I know, super corny, insert generic motivational quote here…).
I’ve accomplished what at one time seemed impossible to me. I looked into trying Keto for a year before attempting it, I would religiously browse through the photo Friday posts on the r/keto subreddit thinking there was no way I could do that.
But guess what? I did.
I changed my life. I took responsibility for my mistakes, put on my big girl britches and did something about being unhappy.
I’m sorry if you were looking for something easy or quick. Taking the easy way out is what got me to 222 lbs in the first place. Also the weight didn’t appear overnight, it took time to gain it so it stands to reason it will take an equal amount of time (if not longer) to lose it.
But I promise you, if you can get through the carb/sugar withdrawals and allow yourself time to be fully Keto adapted, it’s 100% worth it.
I’m still not perfect but I am content with who I am, that is honestly the biggest victory I achieved in this year of unexpected success.
I hope to one day help someone else achieve the same.
Until my next post just remember,
Hydrate. Satiate. Celebrate.